I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
