she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
