no you cant smoke seaweed
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
