it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
