You're so nebulous sometimes
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
