We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
