So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize