Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
