As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
