Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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