I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You made out with two different species that night
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
