i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
