I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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