You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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