I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
it glows. i had to have it.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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