i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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