Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
