apparently the secret to your success is patron
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
