Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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