I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
