We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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