yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
