this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
