I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
