sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
