Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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