i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
