Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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