This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize