Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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