I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
