You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
