this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
