I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
