Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I bet he comes in French.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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