Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
