I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
