My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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