I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Randomize
