Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
