have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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