listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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