i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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