just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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