God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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