I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
