I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize