new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
