my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
