whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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