Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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