with your own penis?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
