I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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