I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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