Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
