you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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