If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
