Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
