I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he thought i was a dude.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
