Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
