Pants 0. Shit 1.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
