Small penises have feelings too.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
