My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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