Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I want to have your abortion
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
