Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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