I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize