Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
