Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize