We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
