I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize