You're so nebulous sometimes
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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