He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
