do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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