everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
