even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
