I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
