Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
