3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
