Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
