so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
