Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
50% drunk capacity currently
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
