Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
