i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
