Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
