I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
