Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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