I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Are we still banned from the library?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
