Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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