one two three fourrrrnication!
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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