Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
