how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
