I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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