I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
