The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
