When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
