best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Watching her eat just hurts me
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize