I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
