That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Randomize
