we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
