I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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