she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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